Lessons from a Heartbreak

We broke up in 2015 and I’d have to say it was probably the best thing to happen to me. No really. Seriously. I didn’t know it then, but I was very unhappy.

Fortunately, my state has changed for the better. here are what I learned in my journey to healing.

You can change.

It’s true that the person you’re with influences your behavior. We are who our friends and companions are. He was not a good person at all. But I loved him and I wanted to mend him. Little did I know that I started morphing into him. I wanted to fix him, but in the process I destroyed myself. every day, I remind myself to make kinder, better choices.

I missed my old self. And when I resolved to throw him by the curb, slowly I regained the happy, more positive me. And better.

I looked at myself closely at the mirror and saw where the cracks are. And began filling them.

I don’t have the best history with men, so staging emotional distance is my defense mechanism. I viewed showing emotion as a sign of weakness and that I had to be cold and hard if I wanted to win/have the upper-hand. When I felt that I was going to be hurt or disappointed, I would feign disinterest and act like I didn’t care (until I actually didn’t care). And you know what? I still got hurt LOL. And because of all those years of repressing my feelings, I now have trouble connecting with people.

I still struggle with emotional honesty but I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to feel hurt and it’s okay to admit to feeling these things. We don’t always have to be tough as nails.

The major reason I stayed in a dead-end relationship for so long was that I was afraid I wouldn’t find someone else if we broke up (obviously, I was wrong because Joey and I got together shortly after). I was never good at dating and I always thought: Who would want me? So I stayed, even though I was unhappy and even though it wasn’t the kind of relationship I wanted.

I’ve gotten several messages from people scared to end their current relationship for the same exact reason I had, asking for advice on how to leave. It’s easier said then done but you just have to be brave and just say good-bye. It’s never too late to find someone worthy. My mom started over around the same time I did and she’s in her 50s!

Simply being loved isn’t enough; we have to be loved the way that we want to be loved.